Sunday, May 29, 2011

One Dying Voice

I have come across many people who seem down about life. Many decide to go see the doctor and grab some prescriptions rather than evaluating the source of the depression. Personally I was unhappy with my life and used alcohol to cover the daily negative emotions that I was feeling. Whether you use drugs or alcohol the reasons behind the depression will not go away unless you make the changes necessary in your life. This can be done with exhaustive evaluation of ones self.

First I looked at my goals and discovered that they would provide financial gain, but other than that they were empty. The first was finishing school which would lead to a better job and the reason i wanted a better job was not to provide more assistance to the world around me, but rather for a larger income. Another goal of mine was to run a successful online business which I did and surprisingly with the extra income I still did not find happiness. Those who are rich will tell you money can't buy happiness and those that are poor say the opposite. Now being on both sides I know for me money will not make the happiness I seek.

What I found to combat my depression and make me feel much better about myself was becoming someone with integrity and morals. Many people may laugh at this thinking the American dream is the only road to happiness and the people laughing will spend there whole lives miserable searching for that one magic dollar that will make the difference in their life. The story behind finding this is quite interesting. I was pulling into my apartment complex and this guy who looked pretty normal waved me down. I stopped rolled down the window (praying I would not get robbed) and asked what he wanted. He offered me 10 dollars to run him across the street. I abliged hesitantly, but it was storming so I agreed. On the way across we talked I introduced myself and he did the same.

Somewhere in the story he told me about his grandma always telling him at least he has his health and him joking about her no longer using this saying. I asked him what was wrong and he told me he was dying of bone cancer. Looking at him trying to move it was easy to see every little action was extremely painful. I dropped him off of course refusing the 10 dollars for the ride.

As I drove up to my apartment there was a significant change I felt to the world around me. Being/meeting with this person allowed me to place an actual value on what I had rather than what I wanted. Personally I have stared death in the face crashing my car at a hundred miles an hour and being flown to the hospital after an overdose, but nothing shook my foundation like talking to this man. The big difference is during my close calls I knew they were of my choosing where as this man was able to see his death coming know there was no way out and had absolutely nothing to do with it. My close calls I felt I retained power, but in his case there was absolutely nothing to do, but try and dull the pain while waiting for the inevitable.

Put your feet in this mans shoes and live one day in his life what would it be like? Wake up once knowing exactly how it will end. You pretty much know down to the day. What would you do? Perhaps sit back watch tv because every time you move you want to cry out in pain. I know many people have it bad, but not many can compare to this guy. Could we learn something from his pain give it a point or go along with the way we are living seeking the almighty dollar. Well if you would like a change in your life perhaps rethink what you are seeking and tomorrow rather than trying to grab another dollar see if you bump into someone that could really use your help and help them without any expectation of payment. See how you feel about yourself once you help freely.